The Spanking Doctor Is IN
I don’t encourage people to email me for spanking advice, because I’m usually too busy to offer any. Sad to say, such emails usually go unanswered. But A’marie caught me at a good moment, with a question I actually had some useful input on:
I’m 25, still in college, and believe it or not, finding a “kinky” partner is impressively hard. I had figured it probably wouldn’t happen several years ago. My last boyfriend, however, found some spanking pictures on my laptop, which opened up the discussion. He said he was ok with it (my first indication he wasn’t), and proceeded to freak out about it at several points in the future. By now I almost feel like giving up. I’ve been very interested in spanking for at least 10 years and through a myriad of partners, but have only been spanked once by a partner, which consisted of 3 times with his belt because I made him drop his contact on the floor. So, needless to say, I’m not very experienced.
Ok, all this background is for a reason (I think), and that being, do you have any suggestions? I don’t know that I would feel comfortable telling a partner about this particular kink anymore, especially after the last one wigged out. I tried a personals site and a chatroom, but both were horrible. I wouldn’t even mind just a place to talk, not necessarily look for a partner, just a place to chat so I don’t feel like such a freak.
I almost started a blog. I got to the point where I just wanted to spill everything out in complete anonymity. I also remembered your blog advice. However I feel a blog about a girl that wants to be spanked and can’t find someone willing, hates homework and loves video games and uber geeks…well, I just don’t think there’s quite a niche for that. Yet.
No niche for that? She’s a dream girl for legions of kinky young uber geeks, is what she is. (Remember, geeks are the ones who found all the kinky internet porn during their formative years, while they were still hammering out their sexual kinkscapes with fists full of hand lotion….) So I had to respond:
I recommend spanking forums — seriously. Big commercial personals sites suck unless you are willing to kiss an awful lot of frogs (that’s one spot where it’s worse for women, the kinky guys who are unsuitable tend to be horribly, stomach-wrenchingly unsuitable) and chatrooms are way too immediate — before you know it, some guy named Gor-Master6969 is shouting “KNEEL BEFORE MY ROD, WORTHLESS SLAVE-WENCH!” at you. Just be glad you didn’t agree to meet him for coffee first.
Forums (bulletin boards) have their own flaws, but they are *much* friendlier. The typical denizen is a woman who, like you, wants someone to spank her, and can’t find one (or, just as likely, she has a husband she loves who thinks she’s a little sick and won’t spank her). From time to time, guys looking for someone to spank will come along — and, given the essay-like persistent-text nature of the place, the wierd and odd ones will make their natures clear quite readily. Anybody who sounds like a nice guy, is playful and cheerful and friendly, and displays any useful degree of kink whatsoever, will fairly quickly get “harvested” by one of the available women present. That’s your chance, but be sure to move fast — because even if he says he’s never had a girlfriend before, if he’s made the playful/friendly/kinky cut over a month or two of sustained posts, he’s already received a dozen oh-so-innocent but very detailed friendly private emails from the ladies on the board. Yeah, if you get him, you or he will almost certainly end up having to move — but that’s the price you pay for enlisting the awesome power of the internet to fix your love life.
Not making any of that up — it’s pretty much my own experience, at Spanking Classics. That’s where I say I found Bethie, but in reality, she found me. (Her new Spanking Den is another good spot.)
Regarding the lack of niche for your blog idea, I have to say I think you’re nuts. There’s a niche all right, consisting of however many men in the English-speaking world think “a girl that wants to be spanked and can’t find someone willing, hates homework and loves video games and uber geeks” is their dream girl. It isn’t such
a tiny niche, plus most of them read the internet and you’re only looking to reach one of them (or a small handful, if you are unusually friendly and ambitious). What I’m saying is, your blog is your ultimate romantic marketing tool. It takes time, but at this point I get a letter a week from women who (they manage to hint) would love to get to know me better, if only Bethie didn’t have me firmly harvested.)Blog about spanking and video games and your lust for uber geeks. The uber geeks will be Googling video games and will find you. Before you know it, you’ll be getting more IMs and emails than you know what to do with. If you’re nice, you’ll sort out the decent-sounding ones you don’t want and point them all at Spanking Den for the enrichment of your sister seekers-after-paddling.
Good news, you kinky young geek types — A’marie says her blog will be online soon.
See Also:
I SO feel A’marie’s pain… I went the way of personals, and that has paddled me around the block a couple times. I second SB’s suggestion of avoiding that route.
You know, the funny thing was that I went to a college full of supergeeks and not a one (that I ran into, anyway) was interested in a girl who’s equally geeky and has a monster libido, let alone the kinkiness.
Oh, well. Good luck. I’ve found that if you find a guy who is great as your partner generally in bed, the chemistry might push them enough to spank. I was very pleasantly surprised when one vague hint led a guy to give me an impromptu spanking–incredible rare luck, maybe, but it happens.
It’s so true, as far as using forums to find a kinky soul mate. I did. I’m quite happy with it. We’ll be married in summer of 06. Kink-wise and in many other fashions we’re perfect fits, and it was a forum that we met on and first noticed each other.
All right, 20-something kids. I’ll leave you to your youthful delights.
I’m a 30 year old woman who is back in grad school. My whole life I’ve had the problem of not finding a suitable partner… either they’re like SB describes or heavy into the “leather scene” (which is fine- just not exactly what I have in mind) or they’re not wanting to “hit a woman” and obviously don’t share my interest in spanking and are suitable matches (not married etc).
So I say goodluck to any men and women who are seeking life partners and want more than an occasional spanking from a stranger.
God Speed! It might be a hard task but well worth it. Like the boss said you’re the dream girl for a lot of guys, we’ll be looking for your blog. Best of luck.
A’Marie, a little motherly advice. (I’m older than dirt.) Find a man for whom you have great love and admiration, not just a guy with whom to share your kink. Show respect for him and be worthy of his respect. Observe what your generation calls “The Rules” (and my generation called “Teddy Bear Tricks”). Be irresistable and play hard to get. When he finally gets you, he’ll love you so much that he will actually believe he shares your kinks. Then, you’ll have not only a wonderfully kinky sex life, but a wonderful family life. I can’t tell you how fulfilling it is to patiently establish intimacy with a great man. (Now, a bunch of guys younger than my sons are going to tell you this is “dishonest” and “not up front”. Guilty as charged! But it works!)
I didn’t start exploring my kink until a few years after my husband and I met. He
wouldn’t have come to it on his own but he is willing to spank me and pretty damn good at it, actually. I think I’m lucky that he at least leans toward being sexually dominant but mostly I’m lucky that he is committed enough to our relationship and concerned enough about my satisfaction that he’ll learn and do what I like. So my point is: it is possible to have a kinky relationship with someone who is willing to explore.
I got to the point I was tired of looking for some on with my kink. It got to the point where I decided it was more important to find some one I wanted to be with than to have my spankings. A BIG step from some one who has wanted to be spanked since she was 12. So I gave up… a few months later I met the greatest guy while on vacation to England. :) granted we live half way across the world but it is the start of something great. :) I am extremely glad i gave it a try and just looked for some one liked, and was blessed with both. He will be here in 7 weeks, and my ass has already started that anticapatory sting.
~A
There are many of us 20-somethings reading this blog.
I’m just awaiting the launch of this blog. A’marie, you’ve seemed to create quite a stir around here, eh?
I did just want to say thanks for the advice and encouragement. Cheesy as it sounds, it’s always nice to know you’re not alone. :)
Boy, can i sympathise. Ok, so i’m a guy, not bad looking and not even that geeky, but 20 years into life and i still can’t even get that first girlfriend! what the hell are you supposed to do?
The thought of trying to find one who also shares a kink like this… ouch, that really is just painful.
Good luck, A’marie!
Well, I can say as another college student that the ability to find someone with whom you are compatible is often a daunting task.
I recently came out of a two year relationship which ended when I was pressured into admitting that I wanted to spank her.
Really, good luck to you, A’marie :)
Damn A’marie I really wish I could find someone like you. Trust me it is hard to find a girl like wants to be spanked as well.
I can sympathise – my days at college are long past and the thought of finding someone like you would never have seemed possible then. Scratching this itch is very difficult – I should know – it took me 35 years to self-admit to my needs and actually do something. I admire your forthright attitude and wish you luck. I think perserverence is in order!
Richard.
How very wonderful there is such a girl, and how very sad that’s unlikely we will ever meet! I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of the “not a niche for it” part. For the record, I’m a 20 year old Brazilian who lives in northeastern Brazil, speaks english and norwegian, attend university, where I study political science, loves to read and to play video games, runs the family business and has a very independent life. I am in a relationship with a very old-fashioned girl I love who grew up with very traditional values. As such, our sex life is hardly kinky, besides some ass slaping during sex, wild anal sessions , which she loves, and the occasional handcuffs and vibrator. It’s so funny how she says she hates when I slap her ass but moans in pleasure everytime… and to think she was afraid of even kissing at first…anyways, I feel I am very like the male Amarie. No Niche for that? Hardly. Though my fantasies will remain fantasies, I’d like to exchange e-mails with her to share thoughts and experiences. Amarie, please let me know how to get in touch with you!
Best of luck,
Me
Didn’t realize there were so many 20somethings reading this blog. A’marie, I emailed you and hopefully you read it. Everyone else already offered great advice, so I second that.
-JLM
(22, for the record)
I guess I got lucky on this one. I found my fiancee while I was in college, first try. He didn’t mind that I was into spanking and he actually has gotten to where it turns him on. Perhaps you should try another approach? Sorry I’m not much help, like I said, I just got lucky. Best of luck!